Well, hello there, you lowly humans. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Professor Maria Thessifus, but feel free to call me Professor Maria T if it makes you more comfortable. I always think it’s preferable to shorten surnames instead of forenames, don’t you? So much easier to maintain anonymity. Not that I need to, of course. You will probably have guessed that it isn’t my real name, anyway. My real name is very long and impossible to express in syllables amenable to human pronunciation.
Now, I know you were all hoping for an update from Lord D. I’d love to oblige you, of course, but allowing him to send a message would mean letting him out of the diamondite chamber in which I’ve trapped him, and he’s a slippery fellow. In fact, he’s so slippery that he almost evaded me yesterday as I kidnapped him on the streets of — well, the least said about that, the better.
It was a simple matter to obtain credentials for posting to this blog, of course. To one who has already stolen identities across the galaxy and overcome the security firewalls of the Galactic Patent Register, hacking a blog platform on Earth is child’s play. I’ll be in charge for the moment.
Don’t worry, I shall of course release Owota in due course. I just need him to stay out of the way until his patent appeal expires, at which point further appeals will be disallowed and I’ll receive royalty payments for cockpoppies in perpetuity. He’s been rather modest about his achievements, in fact — those little flowers are on order in hundreds of star systems for various reasons, and should net me a tidy fortune.
So, I’m afraid you’ll have to be patient, readers! Lord Dszira will be gone for quite a while. In the mean time, there will be no further updates.
Thessifus is victorious!
